An Open Letter

One of life's biggest mysteries - why do parents abandon their children? Selfish, is the only thing I can come up with. I can remember this very distinctive feeling of guilt consume me for about a month when Logan was away with her dad and I had some adult time to myself. I felt so guilty for having fun without her. WHY!? She is being taken care of by her dad and he has just as much responsibility as I do. Something to do with being a mother, I assume. So how can some parents not care?

They could go weeks without communication, not knowing if the kid they made is dead. Mothers choose men over their children and it's fucking disgusting. Sadly, I have seen more abandonment from mothers. You carry the baby for 9 months, feel them kick, hiccup and move around - I cannot wrap my head around it.

So here is my open letter to all the moms that abandon their children.

Dear Moms,

I am sure you are dealing with your own demons and I am sorry for that. My only hope is that you can find the help you need before it's too late. Life isn't going to wait for you. It's time to recognize your faults, own them, and fix them. Stop bringing my family into your problems. I used to feel sorry for you, make excuses for you, lie for you, and defend you until I was blue in the face but now I will no longer do that. A part of me will always wish for you to be who I think you should be as a mom but it's seriously screwing with my head. Also, I haven't been given nearly enough credit to the mom that took the place of you for fear of hurting your feelings. (Shout out!) I feel that most children who have been abandoned hold on so tightly to the hope that they'll be magically rescued by the very person that left them. Fortunately, for myself, at 26 I can let it gooooo and be thankful I have a mother figure who I can share my ridiculousness with. In closing, I wish the best for you and pray that you will one day look back and accept the horrible mistakes you've made and then move forward and stop repeating these same mistakes.

Sincerely,

Your Daughter That Rose Above Your Bullshit

Random & Free: It Has Never Felt So Good

Hey! It's been a while since I have shared my thoughts. For once, I won't be complaining. Yippie! Most of you already know that I have moved to San Antonio about a year ago. My parents moved here about five years ago and as much as I adore them I never thought that I would make the move myself. Well I did and could not be happier. I do miss my dear friends in McKinney (Courtney Lilly & Chelsea Noble) but it was a great move for my daughter and I. We've both grown so much in such little time. I have become more confident in myself and finally stopped settling. Logan has broken out of her quiet little shell and has been enjoying the country living. It's wonderful!

After high school I thought I was grown and was responsible but I've learned so much these past few months about myself, that had I taken the time to figure out at eighteen, it would have saved me a ton of heartache. Of course, everything I have gone through has made me stronger, better, tougher and blah blah blah, but damn some of the things I did or said... has left me scratching my head wondering what the f$#k was I thinking. Oh well, I am moving on from that. I am done reliving those moments in my head. Twenty-six has never felt so amazing. I can do anything I want, except get more tattoos (my parents sure do have a way of creeping into my head when I make life decisions lately, but for that I am thankful) or fly to Mexico on a three day weekend but who cares, we are truly happy.

Letting go of my past. Letting go of the negative people. Letting go of hurt. Letting go of the pain. All I can do is pray for you.

Side note: Who else is happy that we will have a new president in 480 days, give or take?